Pirates need to watch American movies more often.

You want to know why I love America? Because we don't take crap from nobody. We love to fight, about absolutely anything and, strangely enough, that is what makes us great. The government was built on the principle of conflict and even if Congress takes it to the extreme sometimes, that principle has made us the most successful and prosperous populace the world's ever seen. Which brings me to the root of my current Americasm:

Have people been following the Somalian pirate hostage deal? Some genius called right at the outset and negotiated the movie rights, I'm sure, and he was a genius. So an American shipping vessel gets attacked by pirates. The Americans fight back, kill some of the pirates, injure some others, take some of THEM hostage and chase the others off. The remaining pirates take the captain of the boat hostage on a lifeboat and hold him there for days. In the meantime, US personnel are treating one of the pirates who was stabbed by an American crew member (haha!), and negotiating with him. The American captain, no doubt remembering the last Russel Crowe movie he saw, attempts a daring escape but jumping into the water, but is recaptured. He is held for another few days, until American snipers, aboard the massive battleship that we sent to the scene, take out the three pirates and rescue the captain. When he gets back to safety he is laughing and looks like he was just in an awesome action movie. And someday soon, this definitely will be a movie.

Man I love being American. I might loud, lazy, ignorant, annoying when I travel and totally full of myself, but If I ever get captured by pirates I am definitely going to stab one of them.

Also, President Obama since I am sure you are reading this, you are the man. This may be the first and only time I say it, but you are the man for being on top of that situation.